Now&forever

Sydney Morning Herald

Wednesday November 26, 2003

Janine Toms

Now Sometimes you'd rather face a firing squad than a second date.

It's safe to say most guys make an effort to impress a girl by flashing a little cash and panache on the first date or two. Then there are those who try the shop-a-docket approach, as sales rep Miranda Perry, 26, discovered.

"When I moved to Melbourne, I dated a guy who'd been a client when I was still in Sydney. We'd flirted by phone, so I was curious to meet him. I knew he was a resourceful bugger and proud of it. After our one and only date, I dubbed him the 'Artless Dodger'.

"He took me to Saturday night footy. To cut costs, dinner was a 12-inch [30-centimetre] roll he bought with a coupon. He tore half the roll off for me and scooped up every morsel left on my plate.

"Right outside the stadium we got nicked by a cop for jaywalking. Rather than just pay the $50 and be done with it, he insisted on arguing with this cop, making a spectacle.

"Naturally he found a way to get us into the stadium free via some dodgy borrowed cards. Once the game was over, he took me on an hour-long expedition scouring the stands for lost property. He'd grab anything - ticket stubs, newspapers, beanies. He'd sell some items at his shop later. At one point he found a cheese sandwich under a bench and ate it on the ride home. Not one of my classier dates, but he probably thought he'd impressed me."

It's important to have an easy exit if you encounter Prince (or Princess) Charmless on a first date, says Yvonne Allen, of Yvonne Allen & Associates dating agency. But constructive feedback is helpful. "Often people have no idea why the person doesn't want to see them again. If you tell them they're obnoxious when they drink, for example, that's food for thought."

Librarian Jessica Doyle*, 31, did not feel it necessary to issue feedback after her disastrous date with a drunk.

"It was a blind date, and I really went the extra mile to scrub up for it because he was wildly entertaining in his emails and seemed perfect for me. But when he showed up, very late and obviously drunk, I realised he had issues. We managed to make it to a restaurant down the road where he became legless and started to say bizarre things.

"The rest of the night was spent being refused entry to every skanky pub in Newtown. So we called it a night and

as I flagged a cab down for him, he suggested we head to his place where we could go at it like two crazed rabbits. Somehow I couldn't see it.

"I later received a witty apology email saying something like, 'For my next trick, I inject crack into my eyeballs', which was cute, but it was clear he was a major pisshead and I didn't really want to go down that road."

forever A total turn-off can transform into a perfect match.

Researcher Sue Henson, 28, swore she'd never see that

man again but something changed her mind - and the course of her life.

"I met my partner, Ben, through The Sydney Morning Herald, so it was a blind date. I'd stopped counting the voicemail responses at 200 and I actually shortlisted

Ben because he said a little more than just, 'G'day, me name's Dave, here's me number.' As it turned out, he

said a lot more.

"He had the worst case of verbal diarrhoea I'd ever witnessed, and a goatee beard, which didn't help. He babbled for two hours non-stop and I barely got a word in.

I was so turned off that when he offered to drive me home in his vintage car, I fled for the nearest bus instead.

"I'd written him off when a week later he called and invited me to a private party of a celebrity who I'm a huge

fan of. I couldn't refuse. As it turns out I got plastered at

the party and made a total arse of myself. The celeb almost threw me out. Any other guy would have dropped me like

a stone but, luckily for me, Ben was forgiving and gave me

a second chance.

"He's actually a great guy and four years later he still talks your ear off, though that first night was just nerves. And he scrubs up quite nicely without that goatee, which

he lost a week after that first date."

Vanessa McMahon, 31, had planned to break it off with her new boyfriend, who dazzled her shortly after they met by scaling the roof of Admiralty House and getting arrested by the Federal Police.

"It was a memorable night. His friend was running up

and down the balconies of the units I lived in threatening

to kill everybody."

Then she fell pregnant.

"Dave came from an unsupportive background but there's so much potential inside him and he's improved so much. We're still married, and I still have days where I can't believe I'm wasting my life away with him, but others where I'm more than happy.

"There's no one else I could feel as comfortable with. He'd support me in anything and every now and then he just amazes me with how clever, creative or funny he can be. There are depths to other people that we don't realise until we really get to know them."

* Not her real name.